Fear in Birth: Why It’s Normal and How You Can Work With It.

Today I want to talk about something incredibly common and important: fear in birth. If you’re pregnant and feeling nervous or even just a bit apprehensive about giving birth, I want you to know this is SO normal. You are absolutely not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling that way.

Listen to Episode 98. of Held In Motherhood Facing Fear in Birth - Why It’s Normal and How You Can Work With It

Why Do We Feel Fear Around Birth?

It’s really not surprising that fear shows up around birth, especially for first-time mums. Think about all the stories we hear. Most of the time, what we see in the media or on social platforms, and even what we hear from family and friends, doesn’t show the positive, empowering side of birth. It’s usually the dramatic, the traumatic or the “birth horror stories” that stick in our minds. This isn’t just something that happens once you’re pregnant; it’s a lifetime of messages building up. No wonder so many of us are nervous as birth gets closer.

But I want you to know - fear is not a sign of weakness or of having a low pain threshold (I know some of you worry about that!). In fact, from all the women I’ve worked with who have had truly amazing births, including those without medical pain relief, most still had some fears when they were pregnant. It’s actually almost unheard of to find someone without any fears at all! To me, it just means you care. You care about your health, your body, and your baby. You care about the kind of birth you want. There’s nothing wrong with that at all.

You Don’t Have to Be Fear-Free

You don’t have to be 100% fear-free to have a good birth. That’s just not realistic for most people, and it’s certainly not necessary. Fear and worries are normal. Our brains don’t love uncertainty, and birth, especially the first time, has a lot of unknowns. We don’t know how long labour will go, what contractions will feel like, how we’ll handle it. That’s a lot to take on, and it’s perfectly natural to feel anxious about the unknown.

When those fears show up, it’s not about fighting against them with just positive thinking or pretending they aren’t there. Instead, it’s about being curious - asking yourself, what is this fear really about? What is it guiding me towards? Sometimes fear can actually help us figure out what we need to prepare, learn, or ask about.

Where Does Birth Fear Come From?

When I work with families, there are a few really common sources of fear. Maybe you’ve had a previous traumatic or difficult birth. Maybe you’ve heard too many worrying stories from friends or the media, or even hearing stories about when you were born. Sometimes, it’s a lack of information or not understanding what’s going to happen that really brings up anxiety.

A big one that often comes up is feeling unsupported or not trusting your care provider. Feeling heard and supported by your care team truly makes all the difference. If you can, find someone whose approach to birth matches what you want. It’s your experience, and it matters.

What Does Fear Do in Our Bodies?

Fear actually has a physical purpose. When we feel stressed or scared, our bodies release adrenaline - the same hormone that kicks in with the fight or flight response. That’s great if there actually is a threat, but in birth, it can slow things down. Labor needs oxytocin, the love and connection hormone. High adrenaline levels can work against it. That’s why finding ways to calm your nervous system - like breathing, massage, or being around people you trust is so important. You don’t always have to get rid of the fear, but you can learn strategies to work with it.

How Do You Work With Your Fear?

Here is a simple process that really helps:

Acknowledge the Fear: Name what you’re feeling. Write it down or talk it through with someone you trust. Where is it coming from?

Get Informed: We often fear what we don’t understand. When you know what your body will be doing, what your options are, and how your support team can help, it makes a huge difference.

Build Your Support: Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and confident. Whether it’s your midwife, partner, doula or a trusted friend, having the right team can lower stress and help your birth hormones do their thing.

Use Mindset Tools: Sometimes birth fears aren’t about gathering more facts. Mindset strategies like affirmations, birth meditations or the ones we go through in our Held Birth Classes can be really supportive if your brain keeps circling back to worry.

And remember, you don’t need to eliminate fear. It’s there because you care deeply about your birth. Instead of seeing it as the enemy, treat it as a messenger. You can feel scared and powerful at the same time. Both can be true!

Want More Support?

We talk a lot about this in our classes and private sessions, along with practical tools to help you move through the fear and into feeling more confident.

Find our more about our Held Birth Classes in Adelaide here.