How to Prepare Your Birth Partner for Labour

Welcome back to this week’s podcast episode! Today, we’re diving into the role of birth partners and just how crucial their support is during labour. It’s common for birth partners to feel as though they’re being thrown in at the deep end - often, women are the ones reading the books, listening to podcasts, and having those deep discussions about birth with friends. Partners do their share of preparation too, but it’s typically not to the same extent. This is definitely the feedback I hear from couples I work with!

Listen to Episode 94. How to Prepare your Birth Partner for Labour here.

One thing I’m proud of in our Held Birth classes is our big focus on partner support. Learning and practicing techniques together makes such a difference. Time and again, I’ve seen how beneficial it is to have a confident, prepared partner in the birth space.

Supporting someone you love in labour is big - it’s intense, primal, and it’s probably different from anything you’ve experienced together before. Partners have a significant role and a lot of responsibility, so I’m passionate about helping them feel equipped and confident, rather than like a bystander or overwhelmed in the moment. If you’re expecting, I encourage you to share this blog or podcast episode with your birth partner, so you can both understand how vital their support truly is.

Common Misconceptions About Partner Support

Movies and TV often simplify and diminish the partner’s role - hand-holding, sitting quietly beside mum, and offering the occasional encouraging word. These things are beautiful and helpful, but there’s so much more to being a great birth partner. You can help her feel safe, calm, and supported, all of which influence crucial birthing hormones like oxytocin, which is key to effective labour.

Partner support isn’t just about comfort and touch. It’s about protecting the birth space, advocating for her, and supporting her in switching off her “thinking brain” so she can focus on birthing.

Emotional Safety: Where Birth Partners Shine!

As a partner, always view your role through the lens of emotional safety. Ask yourself: What can I do to help her feel safe, calm, and relaxed? Talk about this together during pregnancy - what’s going to make her feel most supported and secure? You know each other better than anyone else in the room, even if you have a known midwife.

Oxytocin and endorphins (those important birthing hormones) flow best when a woman feels safe and supported. If you can keep this in mind, you’re already most of the way there. Yes, practical techniques matter - but protecting the space and her emotional safety always comes first.

Consider how our bodies have evolved: in moments of threat, adrenaline surges and oxytocin drops, which can slow labour. For most families birthing in hospital which is a less familiar, sometimes overwhelming environment - it’s crucial to find ways to support mum in feeling calm and secure.

Practical Ways to Support Your Partner

Protecting the space can be very hands-on:

- Dim the lights, keep the environment calm and relaxed.

- Minimise interruptions - keep doors closed and communicate with staff as much as you can.

- Answer questions for mum where possible so she doesn’t have to engage her “thinking brain.” For example, questions about birth preferences, pain management, and immediate postpartum plans.

Birth plans are an excellent tool for this - write your preferences down so you (and staff) can refer to them easily. In our Held Birth Classes you'll receive an editable birth plan template to make it easy. Most couples I work with don’t have a known care provider, so partners become the familiar face in the room, acting as both protector and communicator.

Physical comfort matters too. Techniques like massage, hand-holding, firm touch, hip squeezes, and counter-pressure can make an enormous difference. But make sure you practice together ahead of time. Don’t wait until labour to figure out where to place your hands or how much pressure to apply - I promise she won't want you experimenting during contractions!

In our classes, partners get hands-on experience so they know what to do when the time comes. If you’re not attending classes, make sure to practice at home. Trust me: your preparation will be hugely appreciated in the moment.

Presence is Powerful

Sometimes, the most impactful thing partners can do is simply be present. Stay close, offer comfort, and keep your attention focused. Don’t sit off in the corner - if she’s in the shower, be nearby. Bring her water bottle, be involved, and look for little ways to help her feel more comfortable.

Put your phone on silent or airplane mode, unless you need it for critical communications (like if you've got other children being cared for). When packing your hospital bag, think about snacks and drinks for yourself too - you need to take care of yourself in order to fully support her. Labour is often a long process, especially for first-time mums, and you’ll need to stay hydrated and energised.

Learn About Birth + Postpartum Together

It’s vital for both partners to learn about the birth process, techniques, and preferences together. When you understand what’s normal in labour - the different stages, transition, what to expect etc, you’ll feel equipped to stay calm and supportive, even when things get intense.

Make sure you know the breathing techniques, comfort methods, and birth preferences. If mum loses her breath or gets tense, you’ll be able to gently guide and co-regulate her with reminders.

Be Proactive, Not Reactive

A wonderful lesson from couples I’ve worked with: don’t wait for mum to ask for what she needs in labour. Oxytocin (the main hormone in labour) can make her feel “foggy-headed,” meaning she might not be able to vocalise her needs. Partners are often just trying to help, but proactive suggestions and actions are far more effective. If what you try isn’t what she wants, she’ll let you know - just move on to the next thing. Don’t take it personally.

To wrap up, here are three clear, actionable steps for partners:

1. Learn together: Attend classes as a team, get practical training, and practice techniques at home.

2. Discuss your birth plan early: Talk through birth preferences, understand why they matter, and know how to advocate for them.

3. Practice comfort techniques together: Trial methods before labour starts, so you’re confident and mum doesn’t have to give detailed feedback mid-contraction.

Remember: partners aren’t doing anything "wrong” if a comfort technique isn’t right at that moment. Stay proactive. Most women won’t ask for what they need in labour because of how their brains work during birth. But keep offering suggestions and trying different tools.

Everything we’ve discussed here is exactly what we focus on in our in-person and online birth classes. We aim for both partners AND pregnant women to feel equipped and prepared for a calm, connected, and positive birth experience. Click here to learn more about our Held Birth Classes.

I would love for you to share this episode or blog with your partner and start having these conversations. The more you work together, the better prepared you’ll be - not just for birth, but for your journey into parenting.